


from the ocean to the shore

by dialecstatic



Series: whatever a sun will always sing is you [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Friendship, Gen, Non-Linear Narrative, Past, Trans Character, doyoung more like done-young, god i love jungwoo, nothing too special they just drink together at some point, this group is a mess, trans boy!jungwoo, trans girl!kun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 17:37:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dialecstatic/pseuds/dialecstatic
Summary: jungwoo's path hasn't been an easy one, but he learns how to light the way.





	from the ocean to the shore

**Author's Note:**

> takes place pre-current events in the series.
> 
> title from "old college try" by the mountain goats

“...Jungwoo?”

 

He’d recognize that voice anywhere.

 

___

 

Back in high school, when the world was limited to the four walls of his classroom and he couldn’t ever find his way home, there wasn’t really anyone that Jungwoo could call his friend. He’d tried to integrate into the various groups, to talk to people although the idea of them getting too close scared him to death, but they never seemed to get him, and he felt so small and helpless back then, unable to truly affirm his own presence. There had been one person, in the middle of 11th grade, who had reached out to him one day before classes, and had changed everything. 

 

If he couldn’t talk to the kids his age, a fear of rejection settling deep in his gut any time he thought, maybe, to show all of himself, Jungwoo usually found himself in the counselor’s office on Tuesday mornings, the only time he had a free period, the only time he could try to recenter his own thoughts and feelings. Mr Kim was, for all intents and purposes, just a young man trying his best to do his job in a typical high school full of hormonal adolescents rushing towards adulthood without realizing everything that it entails. He’d told Jungwoo that this was his first job, and that he had a lot on his plate every day, but he somehow managed to remain open and gentle, something that had made Jungwoo confident enough to sit down in the worn out faux-leather chair one day and blurt out everything that had been weighing on his mind and on his shoulders, the discomfort and the pain, the realization that dawned on him more and more everyday. Kids at school wouldn’t understand, is what he’d tell himself every single day, but Mr Kim might.

 

Mr Kim did, in fact, understand. He’d immediately softened his professional posture and tone when Jungwoo had told him, and reached in the bottom drawer of his desk for some pamphlets ( _“Wait, hold on, I’m sure I have them--”_ and nearly fell off his chair as he rummaged through the pile). The pamphlets had helped, but talking to Mr Kim had too, Jungwoo letting himself speak freely for the first time in what felt like his entire life.

 

“I know high school can be tough. You know, it wasn’t that long ago for me, no matter how old you guys might think I am.” Mr Kim says one day, chuckling at himself. “But remember that there’s a whole world out there. It’s not like in the movies, and life might not be smooth sailing all the time but… It’s worth staying around to see, don’t you think?”

 

Jungwoo doesn’t known how to reply. He’d brought up the subject once, maybe, just in passing, and the fact that Mr Kim remembers fills him with a heavy kind of shame.

 

“Jungwoo. One and a half year may seem impossibly long right now, but I promise it’ll be gone like this,” he clicks his fingers to demonstrate. “Just trust yourself, and you will be fine.”

 

“You’re the only person who calls me by that name.” Jungwoo mutters, picking at the skin of his thumb. 

 

“And I thank you for entrusting me with it.” 

 

The school bell rings before Jungwoo can say anything, so he just smiles at Mr Kim and grabs his bag, ready to head out.

 

“Jungwoo!” Mr Kim calls after him and he stops with his hand on the doorknob, turning back to see the counselor standing behind his desk. “My name… my first name I mean. It’s Junmyeon.”

 

“Why are you… telling me this?” 

 

“You trusted me with your name, so I’m doing the same. Common courtesy, isn’t it?”

 

Jungwoo can’t help but smile, and when Mr Kim - Junmyeon - extends his hand, he takes it without hesitation.

 

“It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Jungwoo is floating on a cloud when he walks out of the office, so he doesn’t notice the person waiting behind it. The crash that occurs just seconds after could potentially have been avoided, but as he looks back on it, Jungwoo is glad it wasn’t.

 

“Hey there, watch where you’re going!” 

 

The voice isn’t angry rather than strict, and the person it belongs to is brushing down the front of their shirt, a large envelope tucked under their arm.

 

“Are you okay?” Jungwoo inquires, unfamiliar panic creeping up his spine. He hopes the person didn’t get hurt.

 

“Yes, sure, I’m fine.” they reply, cocking their head to the side as they examine Jungwoo. “I didn’t know Mr Kim saw anyone so early.”

 

“It’s uh, it’s a special favor, since this is my only free period.”

 

“Special favor, uh?” they take the envelope in both hands, waving it in front of Jungwoo’s face. “This too. My university application. I didn’t want anyone else to go over it.”

 

Jungwoo doesn’t ask why, no matter how much he wants to.

 

“So, I actually have to go in now…” the person quips, “but good luck with your special favor.”

 

It’s only then that Jungwoo realizes he’s going to be running late for class, and he rolls his eyes, the reality that he does still have a year and a half of high school left completely crushing his mood. 

 

“Right. Well, good luck with that too!” he starts, walking further out into the hallway. “Oh um, I’m J-jungwoo. By the way. Just in case you-”

 

“Nice to meet you, Jungwoo.”

 

The fact, then and there, that this person doesn’t question his name despite his appearance, despite what they see of him, makes Jungwoo’s heart skip a proverbial beat. It was the first time since Mr Kim all those months ago, that someone had just accepted his name at face value with no invasive questions or derisive comments, just a simple and powerful acknowledgment.

 

“Maybe I’ll see you around then…?” he stutters out as he walks backwards into the hallway to try and keep this person in mind for as long as possible.

 

“It’s Doyoung. See you around, Jungwoo.”

  
  


And see each other around, they did. They bumped into each other, figuratively this time, the following Tuesday, and agreed to have lunch together when their morning classes were passed and done. Doyoung, as Jungwoo quickly learned, wanted to go to university and study both music theory and sociology. They enjoy singing, cooking, and “dismantling the societal norms that dictate individuals should fit into one of two arbitrary categories based on their biology at birth”, and they become the best friend Jungwoo has ever had. 

 

With Doyoung, everything feels a bit clearer. They’re self-assured and rational, but show Jungwoo that it isn’t a bad thing to let yourself be emotional from time to time, if you need it. With Doyoung, Jungwoo lets every part of himself shine, finds the confidence he thought he lost somewhere along the way. One night at dinner, his father remarks that  _‘you’re cracking jokes again! It’s been a while.’_ and Jungwoo just smiles quietly to himself. He can’t tell his family the reason why he stopped in the first place, not quite yet, not right now, but Doyoung and Mr Kim also teach him that time will lend itself to time, and things will happen when they should. Jungwoo feels the kinship he’d been missing, all the things that a normal 17 year old should have experienced for years finally happening for him, study sessions at the library with Doyoung shooting him falsely annoyed looks as they try not to crack up at something Jungwoo said, Sunday afternoons hanging out in the park near Jungwoo’s apartment complex, digging into a single tub of ice cream, Doyoung sharing all their hopes for college, Jungwoo trying not to think too much about what that means for him.

 

When Doyoung leaves for college - only a few hours away, but it feels like the other end of the world to Jungwoo - they promise that the following year will pass before either of them even realize it. 

 

“I wish we’d met earlier.” 

 

“Cherish the time we did have.” Doyoung says firmly, and Jungwoo can’t blame them for their tone, or for the way their hand squeezes his shoulder. He’ll be okay. One year isn’t much, if six months can go by so fast.

 

“And I’ll see you around, Jungwoo.”

 

___

 

“You didn’t tell me you were enrolling here!” 

 

Doyoung is looking at him like they’ve seen a ghost - albeit one that they’re happy to be haunted by. Jungwoo smiles, quite pleased with himself at the effect his surprise had. He and Doyoung had kept in touch over the last year of Jungwoo’s high school career, but he’d deflected any questions about university, because his choice was made the moment Doyoung had shown him Mr Kim’s stamp of approval on their application.

 

“You sly bastard, come here.” Doyoung says in a half-grunt, half-laugh that takes Jungwoo aback even more when he’s pulled into the older one’s arms, the familiar embrace that he’d missed terribly during all those months apart.

 

“When did you get here?!”

 

“Just today, actually. Had to move into my dorm room, and now here I am.”

 

Doyoung runs a hand through their hair and smiles that bright, gummy smile that had helped Jungwoo through so many days. 

 

“Well fuck me, this is one thing I definitely wasn’t expecting. I thought your parents would make you go to our district’s university.”

 

“They tried.” Jungwoo laughs, “But I was very insistent that I wanted to take classes here. Their curriculum is solid, and Junmyeon helped me convince them.”

 

“Oh so now you finally call him by his first name. How is he?”

 

The memory of a teary-eyed Mr Kim at his high school graduation ceremony flashes through Jungwoo’s mind and he snorts, remembering how the counselor had hugged him so tight he felt like he was his own child leaving home.

 

“Doing good, as far as I know. He spent the summer visiting an old friend in China, sent me an email full of the most embarrassing dad pictures I’ve ever seen.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds like him.” 

 

The remark barely lands and that’s what makes both of them burst out laughing, Doyoung wrapping an arm around Jungwoo’s shoulders, a hand gripping his arm, holding him close like it’s the last time they’ll ever see each other. But they’ve been through that once already, and Jungwoo knows this is just the start of a new chapter. 

 

“When do your classes start?” Doyoung asks, leading them out of the building and into the campus grounds.

 

“Monday! So I’m glad I have the weekend to explore a little bit… and now catch up with you.”

 

“Tell you what.” Doyoung stops walking and grabs Jungwoo by the shoulders. “We can catch up tomorrow, just the two of us. Lunch. I know a great place just a few streets off campus. But at night I’m taking you to meet the gang.”

 

Jungwoo had heard about them. A few months into their first year here, Doyoung had started talking about this group of spirited, like-minded people whom they had met by accident - or perhaps by chance - during the annual campus fair. They’d set up a makeshift booth a little ways off the main event, mostly just signs and a flag haphazardly stuck to the building’s outer wall. Doyoung had described the encounter as “surreal? and quite frankly ridiculous”, and Jungwoo supposes that’s exactly why they chose to join the group. He’s excited at the prospect of meeting them - one person in particular.

 

“So does that mean I’m finally going to meet your boyfriend?”

 

Doyoung freezes up on the spot, eyes going wide. Around the same time that they met their new friends, they’d also met Jaehyun, and hadn’t stopped talking about him since, something sappy and sweet seeping into their emails whenever they talked about him. It was, Jungwoo decided, completely adorable and mildly hilarious, and he couldn’t wait to meet whoever was able to make Doyoung feel that way.

 

“He’s not - well, maybe he is? I don’t know, we haven’t talked about it, anyway yes Jaehyun will be there… Oh god.”

 

“It’s okay, I promise I won’t embarrass you.” Jungwoo tries to make the save, because he’s never seen Doyoung like this and as much as he’d like to keep it going, he’d also very much like to have a best friend and not a pile of blushing goo to talk to.

 

“Thank god.” 

 

Jungwoo sticks his tongue out as Doyoung says that, and he lets himself be walked around campus for the rest of the afternoon.

  
  


___

  
  


For as much as Jungwoo likes to consider himself a social person, now that the fears of high school are behind and that he’s a better, stronger man, there isn’t much that could have prepared him for the whirlwind that occurs in his life the following night.

 

He spends the day with Doyoung again, discovering the world they’re now living in - the same one he now has to make his own -, all the little spots, nooks and crannies where they find a little respite from the hectic student life. Then as late afternoon rolls around and the clock strikes six-thirty, Doyoung gets that look in their eyes that they only reserve for special occasions, the one that says “I’m about to blow your mind” and “please don’t tell our parents about this”, and even though they’re both adults now, responsible on paper, Jungwoo still gulps as his friend leads him to a small café a little ways off campus.

 

“This has been the group hangout for years, it’s required initiation for you now.” Doyoung says with their hand on the door, looking through the pane of glass and grinning at what they see. “A few things before we go in. Yes, Ten and Johnny are disgusting, no you cannot talk to Jaehyun one on one -don’t give me that look-, all cocktails are priced down starting at eight, but you’re getting yourself home.”

 

“Damn, I thought I moved away from my parents.” Jungwoo replies, and he ducks when Doyoung tries to pinch his ear. “Don’t worry, Dodo. I’ll behave.”

 

“You’ll be the only one then.” and as they say that, Doyoung pushes the door open to cheers. 

 

“Fresh meat!” someone yells, a tiny man sitting in the lap of someone who can only be described as “too large”, and he gets whacked over the head by a young woman with short-cropped hair sitting next to him.

 

“Ten, you can’t say that everytime.” she says, and flashes Jungwoo a smile that immediately makes him feel at ease. “Hi, I’m Kun! I assume you’re the friend Doyoung told everyone about yesterday?”

 

“You told everyone about me, Dodo? Is that so?” 

 

“Wait, what did you just call them?” someone else - a sinewy individual Jungwoo learns is named Yuta - snorts, and Jungwoo turns his head to find Doyoung looking at him like he just ate the last of their leftovers.

 

“Yes, I did tell them that someone new would be coming tonight, so they’d know to act properly but…”

 

“Doyoung, we all know that’s never happening.” 

 

The person who says that is sitting on a stool at the end of the table, as if presiding over whatever shenanigans are occurring, and Jungwoo stops for a moment to take them in properly. There’s an air of gentle authority to them, someone he isn’t surprised all those people seem to have put their trust into. 

 

“Yeah, well, I can dream, right?” Doyoung sighs. “Anyway, Jungwoo… This is everyone.”

 

“Everyone”, as it turns out, is everything Jungwoo could have ever hoped for. They’re everything he wishes he’d been back in high school, bright and loud and unapologetic to a fault, sure, but it’s their bond that makes Jungwoo’s heart grow three sizes bigger, the evident closeness between all of them even as they bicker.

 

He finds himself sitting between the person from earlier - Taeil, whose kind eyes belie the quiet way they have of reining everyone in, their leadership seemingly unquestioned as it goes almost unnoticed -, and Kun, who’s moved from the other end of the couch where Ten and his giant boyfriend, Johnny, are now taking up most of the space and purposely ignoring the exasperated (and yet, still fond) looks of their friend Taeyong as they take up residence on the floor. Kun is nice, almost to a fault, and she introduces everyone in turn, Jungwoo trying his best to store each and every name in a special part of his brain. He wonders if Kun went around the circle the way she did on purpose, but she ends on Jaehyun and playfully nudges Jungwoo as she raises her glass.

 

“To our new friend?” 

 

Everyone echoes her and cheers again, Doyoung looking at Jungwoo from over the table and lifting their glass, their smile reaching their eyes.

 

“To our new friend!” 

 

“To us!” Yuta adds, and soon there’s a cacophony of glasses clinking against each other, laughter and squeals as alcohol tips over.

 

“No wasting alcohol on my watch!!” Johnny wags a finger around, threatening to take everyone’s drinks for himself.

 

“Listen, as long as you don’t mop it up and then try to squeeze it into your open mouth…” that comes from Jaehyun, and Jungwoo can’t help but screw up his face in delight when Doyoung hides their laugh in his shoulder.

 

“That was one time… One time! And it was definitely Ten’s idea.”

 

“No baby, you’re perfectly capable of having terrible ideas all on your own.”

 

Yuta nearly spits out their drink at that and then slams their free hand on the table, blabbering something about “slam dunk, conversation over” while Sicheng imitates a boxing ring girl next to them. The conversation quiets down a little after that, an easy stream of consciousness that Jungwoo lets himself fall into until Jaehyun reaches across the table to shake his hand.

 

“So, I finally get to meet you.” he says, and the tone of his voice is soft, warm like a spring morning. It’s no wonder Doyoung fell in love so fast.

 

“I still can’t believe you told so many people about me,” Jungwoo chides Doyoung gently, “Didn’t even let me make a first impression!”

 

“Please. They had to get ready for you.” 

 

They smile at each other and Doyoung redirects the conversation to Jaehyun, who risks his life to ask about how Doyoung was in high school.

 

Jungwoo thinks, as he recounts the various things they got up to during those six months, that he could definitely get used to this.

 

___  
  


Days turn into weeks, Jungwoo gets used to the rhythm of college, and Friday nights become his solace. As time passes he discovers that he and Kun have classes in the same wing and at the same time on Thursdays, so they make it a tradition to grab coffee together on their way there. She tells him about the youth center she volunteers at, and Jungwoo makes a promise to visit, when he gets his own head in order. Going from having exactly one friend who gets him, that he could confide in, to an entire group of people who know his struggles, opened his eyes to all of the things he’d been missing about himself. He finds out that Ten isn’t as much of a mess as that first night had made it seem, and Jungwoo learns a trick or two from him, to shape himself a little better. He admires Sicheng’s creative mind and Yuta’s stubbornness, finds courage day by day in the way they both carry themselves like no one can take them for granted. 

He’s also relieved to find, a few weeks later, that Kun and Johnny have newcomers of their own to introduce to the group. Jungwoo doesn’t feel so caught up in everything anymore when Yukhei and Mark arrive, the first trailing behind Kun like a comically large puppy as she introduces him this time, and the second already cracking jokes with Johnny like they’ve known each other all their lives. The ideal of kinship has never felt clearer to Jungwoo as the boys join their little circle, Mark still so young ( _‘He’s a genius!’_   Johnny had said as if he was introducing his own offspring to the group, and Mark had hidden his face in his hands, ears going red) and yet full of wisdom and grit, Yukhei’s awkwardness and lack of filter only adding to his charm and to their dynamic.

  
  
  


Over the months, Jungwoo takes a special liking to Yukhei. He doesn’t necessarily like to admit it, because Yukhei is, at first glance, everything Jungwoo tried to avoid in high school; he’s loud and brash and takes up so much, too much space sometimes, and Jungwoo has always associated that attitude with the kids that would bully him and ostracize him back then, the ones who were so self-assured when he couldn’t even point to the meaning of the word. But thankfully, Yukhei isn’t just that. He’s naive, funny without even realizing it, soft in his own way, a heaped mess of too many feelings and not enough ways to process them.

 

“I just don’t get why you guys get so much shit, y’know?” he says one day, sprawled on the grass at the neighboring park while Kun helps Jungwoo go over some of his art history notes. “You’re just human, we’re all just human! It’s not fair.”

 

Kun stops her reading for a moment to pet his hair, Yukhei pouting as she does. She'd just gone through a break up, short-lived relationship ended by prejudice, and Yukhei almost took more offense to it than she did. He was always respectful of their identities and struggles, from day one as he met Kun and along his way to integrate into the group, but he could be a little blunt about it sometimes, and she never failed to remind him.

 

“We know, Xuxi. It really isn’t fair, and it’s not really easy to explain either.” 

 

“Shit’s fucked up.” Yukhei whines, rolling over onto his back and stretching, frowning as he goes. 

 

“Yes,” Kun laughs, picking up another notecard. “Shit really is fucked up. Thank you for your concern, sweetheart.”

 

Yukhei makes a face at her and Jungwoo can’t help but giggle at how adorable even their banter is. He never imagined someone like Yukei would be seemingly so ready to stand by his side, but the first thing college taught him had apparently been how to see past stereotypes. Or, maybe, it had been how to let go of the fears that had kept him from moving forward for so long, and simply accepting that the world does have more in store for him than he had anticipated.

 

Jungwoo makes a mental note to send an e-mail to Mr Kim and tell him all that.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is getting repetitive but also i'll never say it enough: thank you every single person who has clicked on this series, read, commented, left kudos etc, your love and energy keeps me going!
> 
> thank you also to my guardian angels bru, dylan & ricki for their endless support <3
> 
> same old song, find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/diaminghao) !!
> 
> i know updates have been slower and slower and that's partly because i started this series during my holiday and now i'm back to work... thank you for bearing with me, see you soon!!


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